Don’t Stick Your Neck Out
Some of us just don’t fit in.
I’m faceless on FaceBook, tweetless on Twitter, and snugged up in coffee houses while tea parties rage in the streets. Before that, I got left behind in the Left Behind craze and X-ed out of X-Box and PlayStation. Now I find myself eclipsed from Eclipse, latest in the so-called Twilight Saga of vampire and werewolf books and films.
The books have sold over 100 million copies, and the Saga has miles to go before it sleeps the sleep. Reading A. O. Scott’s review of Eclipse in the New York Times, it struck me that no one should be surprised at how the bloodthirsty undead have become objects of public fascination.
We’ve arrived at a point in history where everyone has suddenly realized that most of our long-trusted institutions are bloodsuckers.
And they’re insatiable – your phone company, cable company, HMO, the Senate, the House, the oil companies, drug companies, credit card companies, investment banks, brokerages, health insurance companies, and the lobbyists working for all of them.
Did you know that lobbyists sleep upside-down?
Since I don’t know anything about vampires, werewolves, or sex – and haven’t seen the Saga films –I didn’t understand much of Scott’s review. Still, it gave me an idea.
The Supreme Court recently ruled 5 to 4 that the nation’s biggest, richest bloodsuckers can spend as much of your money as they please on political advertising.
In other words, they’ve been licensed to buy elections for zombies who will do their bidding in Congress and state legislatures and judgeships.
Before that happens, Congress has to find a way to neutralize this attack by the five black-robed bloodsuckers on the court – to keep it from wrecking our democracy.
One suggestion is to mandate that all such ads must clearly identify who’s paying for them – by name and company, not just by the name of some phony front organization such as “Citizens for Truth, Justice, and the American Way” Or “Bloodsuckers for Christ.”
To that I would add a requirement that every ad and commercial have a spokesperson visibly equipped with vampire fangs.
Surely, truth in advertising would be constitutional.
 |