Scientists have discovered the fossilized brain and nervous system of an animal that lived 520 million years ago. The creature was a member of the Megaclaw family of crustaceans.
Names have been withheld, but the recovery of this rudimentary cognitive organ was made in the Republican caucus of the U.S. House of Representatives.
The name Megaclaw derives from two large grasping appendages protruding from the animal’s head, apparently used for scooping up large sums of money from creeping lobbyists and from unbalanced swooping predators known as billionaire right-wing extremists.
The breakthrough of unearthing such a primitive brain, intact, is considered comparable to the earlier discovery of three dozen complete assholes, also in the Republican caucus.