Comments on: Arabs, Persians, and Olympians

By: The International Olympic Committee

The International Olympic Committee — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 00:20:05 +0000

We think groping is the answer. Wait. Did I just say that? Will somebody please fix the teleprompter? Thank you. As I was saying, we’re still groping for an answer. The fact is, gender is the least of our concerns. What about species? Anything could be under there! But there’s no culturally sensitive way to find out. We’ll just have to stay alert to subtle clues, such as a kangaroo tail extending out from under the hem of a high jump contestant.

By: Al

Al — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:30:31 +0000

PS to the IOC: Now that you’ve joined the discussion, it gives us a chance to ask …. When Muslim women compete in their burqas, how are you guys going to make sure they’re really women?

By: Al

Al — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 23:25:16 +0000

Right, but the Mogul Dynasty had long since expired, so we assumed that the accreditation bribes were paid by media moguls like Rupert Murdoch, who this year ran off the course and plowed headfirst into the New York post, in case anyone was wondering how his face got turned into a permanent scowl..

By: The International Olympic Committee

The International Olympic Committee — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:02:14 +0000

Mogul skiing has been an official event since 1992.

By: Al

Al — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:33:43 +0000

Penguin? Don’t you mean Panda, Your Pontiffness?

By: The Pope

The Pope — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 16:32:14 +0000

You Americans are so insular! The habits your nuns all wore (and some still do) were just penguin-style burqas. Have you forgotten The Flying Nun? Sally Fields could have won the high jump by nine feet, twirling her rosary beads to the crowd.