Earliest Known Limericks!
Back from “Mesopotamia” (code name for a secret location), our groundbreaking archaeological research team has deciphered the cuneiform writings on three clay tablets they unearthed there.
Astonishingly, their work has revealed the world’s earliest known limericks, dating from 4,500 years before the founding of Limerick in Ireland. Another No-Bell prize is surely in the offing.
*
Said a promising scribe in Uruk,
“Clay tablets should soon be forsook.
. Once bibles are common,
. Perchance Tutankhamen
Or someone will publish my book.”
*
There was a young lady from Ur
Who thought of becoming a whur
. But then, she decided,
. She’d soon be derided
And never make cheerleader for sur
*
A maid from Corinth self-defeatedly
Inveighed for virginity heatedly,
. Betrothed to, let’s see, ah,
. Yes! Zeno of Elea,
Her wedding was postponed repeatedly
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Impossible. Virtually all writing from that period centers obsessively on golf tees. See for yourself.
Comment by Anton Flinge, D.Litt — October 21, 2009 @ 2:59 pm
The lost secret of Mesopotamia is that one of those tees will give you four extra yards on your drive, and our scholars will not rest until they find it.
But why, if I may ask, are you quoting a Shakespearean sonnet in your clumsy attempt to discredit a limerick? It’s his eleventh, I believe, “Heaven help the donkey in my orchard / to plow, to till sweet silent thoughts.”
Comment by AL — October 21, 2009 @ 9:40 pm
Yes, well.
Notice the four tees disappearing into the snapping jaws of a crocodile:
Followed, quite naturally, by a furrowed brow:
Even more striking is the dire note on which this tablet ends: a number of tees assembled in such a way as to depict a great white shark, in what must be a reference to the water hazard on 3.
Heaven help the donkey, indeed.
Comment by Anton Flinge, D.Litt — October 22, 2009 @ 3:54 am
Clearly, you guys as confusing “tee” with “tea”. The ancient text you cite above has nothing to do with golf. Instead, it’s an invitation to a tea at a Mesopotamian country club. (And if you look carefully in the third line, there’s a veiled hint that something stronger will be served in the gentlemen’s locker room.) C’mon guys, a little scholarship would surely suit you to a tee … but that’s another story.
Comment by Steve Alber — October 22, 2009 @ 9:47 am
What, this?
The stand of cypress (with crocodile!) that costs the author three strokes? You don’t have to be Tigris Woods to grok those stylings, Mr. Alber. Please — leave the cuneiform to the cuneilinguists.
Comment by Anton Flinge, D.Litt — October 22, 2009 @ 3:13 pm
I feel so fortunate to have fallen in with such scholarly companions just when I needed to discover — who was the first king of Esoterica? And speaking of that, what rhymes with Oxyrhincus? These are important things the mainstream media simply refuses to deal with, which is why they’re in decline.
Comment by AL — October 22, 2009 @ 3:16 pm
Regarding the early kings of Esoterica, we may never know their names. Scrolls from that period are few and they all say “We could tell you, but then we’d have to kill you.” It wasn’t until Minutia conquered the Recondites and brought to Esoteric culture its distinctly incidental flavor that we begin to see voluminous records.
Comment by Anton Flinge, D.Litt — October 22, 2009 @ 5:07 pm
Curious. Your name is Anton Flinge and yet you speak with the same mellifluous sesquipedalianism, tossing off the same insupportable citations, as my beautiful daughter Felony. Most confusing. Do you happen to commute to class in a Zamboni machine?
Comment by AL — October 22, 2009 @ 6:43 pm