Dieting for Dummies

The Horse’s precariously mounted investigative team (StupidTV/CSI) has unmasked yet another deep, dark trade secret – this time in a commercial for Nutrisystems.

The spot features testimonials from purported formerly fat users of the service, which delivers a regimen of carefully planned meals to burn away your flab. Delicious meals, they insist. One of the sylphs bearing witness says she lost 100 pounds and exclaims about the menu:

“Every meal was better than the next!”

Which means that each meal is worse than one before. Aha! If the food keeps getting worse, there must come a point where it is so disgusting you can’t eat it at all.

No wonder you lose weight!

Stay tuned. The Horse never sleeps.

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