Front Ears of Science: Update
BREAKING NOISE
More trouble coming from the National Organization for Ignorant Stupid Expostulations (NOISE), the group whose past crusades have supported Creationism, Scientology, Laetrile, Rush Limbaugh, Rick Santorum, George Bush, animal sacrifices, and James Dobson’s comedy hit, Focus on the Family.
The latest fatwa from NOISE attacks the drug ATryn, made from the milk of transgenic goats, which was just approved by the FDA. The drug is a natural blood thinner that protects patients who suffer a rare hereditary disorder that makes them vulnerable to deadly blood clots.
“It’s an abomination!” declared M.F. Canard, grand wizard of NOISE. “In Leviticus, the Lord commanded that the high priest sacrifice one male goat and release another one into the wilderness, not to make some quack medicine out of him.” NOISE opposes all genetic and stem cell research, and its bylaws require that quack medicines be made from actual ducks.
NOISE Board member and flat-earth economist Congressman John Boehner of the worst part of Ohio co-signed the statement.
To make ATryn, scientists take modified DNA that codes for a human anti-clotting protein and inject it into a single cell goat embryo, which is then implanted in the womb of a surrogate goat (surrogoat?) mother. When it matures, the goat will give milk containing the lifesaving substance.
“What next?” challenged Canard. “FrankenFeta cheese?”
NOISE threatens to boycott the drugmaker, GTC Biotherapeutics, and to break eggs on employees’ cars, but the threat is seen as what zoologists call a LYDBAG (little yappy dog barking at a grizzly).
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