A Close Brush with Blasphemy
I just rescued my Baby Jesus Radish from a dark and lonely coat pocket where he lay forgotten and abandoned for nearly six hours. Now he’s back, safe and sound, in his bowl of water in the refrigerator.
How carelessly we treat our life-changing experiences. I had taken the miraculous radish to Starbucks, wrapped in swaddling paper towels, to show him to a friend.
It was an astounding discovery, probably a reward for the fact that I lead an exemplary life. I had bought an ordinary bunch of radishes in the supermarket for $1.79, and when I set them out in the kitchen to trim them, there he was – the spitting image of the baby Jesus in the form of a radish. A double radish, the lower one fairly large and the upper one small, so there is a small head with a green tuft of hair, a chubby belly – and, well, a tail, but I may trim that off.
It’s hard to know if that sort of thing is permissible. I haven’t cleaned him with a vegetable brush either, which I really should do before I photograph him for display on E-Bay. Would that be a desecration? I mean, you can’t very well set a minimum bid of $20,000 on an immaculate religious icon with dirt on it, can you?
It’s not covered in the Ten Commandments. I Googled them.
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Difficult questions. But good to see you rediscovering your Christian Roots.
Comment by Mark — November 29, 2008 @ 8:05 am
Oh, yes indeed, my roots and the roots of that miraculous radish. Given what people bid for the Blessed Virgin’s image on a toasted cheese sandwich, I expect my rediscovery of Christianity to be personally enriching.
Comment by Al — November 29, 2008 @ 11:54 am
BREAKING NEWS! Today I took the Baby Jesus Radish for its last public viewing, at a luncheon meeting of devout retired advertising executives. When I raised the question of whether or not it would be a sacrilege to trim off the tail, actor/cartoonist/writer/therapist David McFadden pointed out that the feast of the Circumcision is coming up next month.
Eminent World War II historian and ex-huckster John DePaul then took the miraculous vegetable home to his wife Fran, who dearly loves babies, radishes, and intellectual humor.
Comment by Al — December 3, 2008 @ 7:15 pm