Presidential Prognosis

Dr. Steve is a practicing physician in Tulsa and that city’s only known liberal. In his capacity as our senior medical analyst, he occasionally sizes up the fitness of presidential candidates.

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Given his age and his medical history, John McCain presents a major problem. The president is asleep at midnight when Iran launches multiple intragalactic missles, and attempts to awaken him produce the following historical comment: “gllofukrinabaktbed.” Midnight happens to be one and a half hours after he takes his Ambien. We are in effect sans president. He is on a trip, pharmaceutical rather than geographical, and he is unable to function as president — so what are we to do? The solution is simple: He must notify the Vice President when he takes his Ambien. They must coordinate their Ambien ingestions. It would have to be voluntary. The Constitution does not mention sleep potions, I am fairly sure. Just ask Scalia, the poster boy for SMUG.

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