It’s Time for a B/C-Scrub
FREE! BILLION DOLLAR MARKETING IDEAS!
For Orkin pest control — introduce the B/C Scrub. For $200 ($300 for large-format flat panel TVs), you treat the customer’s television set so that it’s completely free of Bushes and Clintons for eight years.
For newspapers, to reverse the decline in circulation:
Premium subscribers get a B/C-free edition guaranteed to carry no mention or image of a Bush or a Clinton, ever.
For network news, to reverse the shrinkage of audiences, ratings, and revenues: same deal – no Clintons, no Bushes, no problem. Family dinner will be reinstated, and everyone will watch the evening news. We may even reactivate Walter Cronkite.
It’s a classic principle of free enterprise and American marketing know-how: stop making your customers sick at the stomach, and maybe they’ll buy your product.
And the corollary to that principle: we customers will take our dollars where they are decently treated, and right now none of you guys qualify. Except Orkin. They, at least, know a bedbug when they see one.
For seven years our papers and our channels were filled with Karl Rove talking points and Bush administration talking heads, and now they’re spewing out Clinton talking points and dumping them into our living rooms.
Enough is enough.
Oh, yes, and for an extra five bucks, you take McCain prisoner again.
4 Comments »
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>
The B/C Scrub comes with a warranty: “Television Set also guaranteed to be eternally free of Muslim humor, Laotian stew recipes and Chinese dart throwing contests.”
Narrated by Walter Cronkite is also a nice touch. Do we have a guy who can do Walt?
George Bush meets the Dalai Lama on a big foreign policy visit, and to break the ice, The Prez shouts, “Hel-l-o-o Dalai”
Comment by Ocala Ace — March 27, 2008 @ 9:47 pm
Walt is still around, Ace. I think he’s 92, but so is the entire staff of 60 Minutes.
Comment by Al — March 28, 2008 @ 11:35 am
Don’t forget the many products by O-YES
Fresh Start - Put it on and you’ll think your worst problem in the last 30 years was a fellow Democrat
O-Jamas - They let you get in bed with a pastor and wake-up 20 years later
O-Mitts - You put them on and think you’ll easily field whatever the Republicans throw at you.
O-Bitussen -You swallow it whole and in ten minutes you stop asking questions
Comment by mike — April 3, 2008 @ 2:33 pm
I’ll buy them all! And to think, I almost wasted my money on a case of Sniper-Off.
Comment by Al — April 3, 2008 @ 5:15 pm