The Lord Is My Lawyer
I Shall Not Cop a Plea
Last night God told me not to send a contribution to Oral Roberts University to help them out of their financial jam. I was so disappointed.
I reminded her that Richard Roberts – Oral’s son – had just reported to the students that God had told him to resign. She just laughed.
I mentioned that Richard had quoted her. He said God had told him, “We live in a litigious society. Anyone can get mad and file a lawsuit against another person whether they have a legitimate case or not. This lawsuit…is about intimidation, blackmail and extortion.”
God said, no, she doesn’t talk like that. She said when she really does talk to people she says things like, “Thou shalt not embezzle money that good people have donated to do the Lord’s work.”
She said she used to talk to Richard’s dad, Oral, but that it was just a joke.
“I was thinking, what would happen if we assembled 5,000 of the most gullible kids in America all in one place, and then zapped them with about 30 more points of IQ?”
I asked when the zapping would happen.
“It won’t,” she said. “I changed my mind. Since I know everything, I know that if you suddenly turned 5,000 young Republicans into young Democrats in Tulsa, there would be bloodshed.”
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Of such is the Kingdom of Heaven. I’m assuming that all the allegations against Herr Roberts, the Younger are more or less true. Of course, if God were really all-seeing, she would have let Roberts know early on that he was about to be set up. I guess the “Oral” in Oral Roberts now has an entirely different meaning.
Comment by Steve Alber — December 3, 2007 @ 3:32 pm
Ah yes, it’s all true (and more, to prevent the airing of which he resigned). And then the founder of a “Christian education and supply chain” in Oklahoma City pledged $70 million to restore the university’s solvency — in case anyone still thinks you have to be smart to get rich.
Comment by Al — December 3, 2007 @ 4:11 pm