Bad News! Bad News!

Fear is everywhere.

As each new scandal erupts – which is about as often as most people go to the bathroom – our nation’s highest ranking officials muster to distract our fleeting attention. They put on their fright wigs and start shrieking that the sky is falling.

Like most people, I used to be afraid of being sick, and now I’m sick of being afraid. So I read a calm newspaper, the New York Times, where everything is grey.

But what do they dish up today? The Dead Sea is shrinking! The south basin has already dried up. Water in the north basin is receding. Well, they call it water. It’s nine times saltier than the ocean – over 30 percent salt — plus such a load of other alien substances that they set up a chemical factory on the shore of the south basin while it still had a shore. Now they have to pipe in the slurry from the north basin to extract the chemicals.

So Israel’s great salt lake will soon be as dry as our great salt lake, and then they can use it to race Pontiacs or test solar powered school buses.

Frightening, isn’t it? The Dead Sea is dying. Now, back to the crossword puzzle.

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